Struggles to maintain friendships after you are married and have children is a real thing. Especially when all your friends don't have any children of their own.
There have been plenty of times where I am in a situation and I just think to myself "Well, you don't get it because you aren't a mom." 

It is frustrating and kind of annoying at times.

With the help of some of my mommy friends I have put together a list of things we would just like you non-mommy friends of ours to understand.


I really am busy.
It's true, we really are busy. There have been countless times I've been asked what I'm doing or working on and I've replied with "Nothing lately, I've been busy." and I get an "lol." back.
Seriously, that happens.
We want you to understand that having a baby/ toddler/ child is NOT easy. We want you to understand we really have not had a moment to ourselves since our children were born. Despite what rumors say about stay at home moms, we really don't just sit around all day and do nothing haha!
Unlike you we don't clock in and clock out of mom duties. We are on the job 24/7, we don't get breaks, we don't take lunches, we don't "end the day" and catch up on the latest gossip. We have no idea what the latest gossip is.

That goes hand in hand with

Yes, I'm too busy for you sometimes.
Yeah, you know what... some times you won't hear from us for days and maybe a week. Why? Because we have a little human to care for plus 10 million other things. Truth be told we have no idea when the last time we talked was. If you miss us, call us. I know that seems sooooo one sided at times, but sometimes it has to be. We try to be good friends, we promise.

It is so much easier for you to come to us.
Oh... you want me to come over to your place so we can chase our little ones around your nonbaby proof home in hopes they don't destroy absolutely everything? Uhm... yeah we will see.
If you want to hang out please make more of an effort to come see us and don't ask us to come see you. It is so much easier to sit and chat with you at our home because we don't care what our kids destroy here. Or if you want to hang out somewhere else thats cool, but kid friendly, please!

Don't judge us when our kids are acting like fools.
It happens, our kids can get a little crazy. I know it is hard to understand why we just don't do things a certain way to make them stop, but here is a little tip from us- you can't all the time. Frankly, if we did you wouldn't be seeing them act this way right now.
Also, never under ANY sort of crazy little circumstances, say "what you would do" when you have babies. We may just burn lasers into your head. Not only are you pretty much saying you don't think we know what we are doing, but you think you can do it better. Two big no nos.

We don't want to bring our children with us.
Sometimes when you invite us to an event and when we say "Yeah, if we can find a sitter" we are saying that because we don't want to bring our children with us. But I'll also be honest, we might just say that to get out of the event.
Here is the thing- we don't like having to chase our kids around while we are trying to have a little bit of fun. And sometimes you guys have events right before nap/bed time and we have to factor in getting ready, the drive there, being there, the drive back, bed time routines, and putting them to sleep. Sometimes that is a lot of work for only hanging out for an hour so we would rather skip it.
Also, you guys don't know this, but most kids... if they fall asleep in the car that is GAME OVER for us parents. Now we have to stay awake with a fussy baby for another 3 hours. No one wants that.

Our children come first.
We totally understand you are having some sort of crisis and you need to talk, but my baby is also having a crisis because she can't find her favorite block. We need to take care of them first. It isn't that we don't want to be there for you, we do, but you really can't expect us to say "Sorry, kiddo. You'll have to wait."

Ask about our children and how we are doing.
Take interest in our mommy lives like you expect us to take interest in yours. Yeah, we may tell you the same things over and over again, but don't stop asking. Truth be told you guys tell us the same things over and over again. The less interested you take in our life the less interest we take in yours.

Don't complain how fat, gross, ugly you feel.
Especially when followed by "Well yeah, but you had a baby you have an excuse."
That is insulting. I don't have to expand on that, right?


Mostly we want you to know that we love you and we cherish our friendship. But please take into consideration that we are now moms and things most definitely have changed. And that is okay!