Not Ready.

2:53 PM

A lot of people have asked me if I'm ready for this new baby.
So here I am being honest ..

Absolutely not.

Not physically, not mentally, and honestly... probably not emotionally.
I am absolutely horrified what this next month brings.

We are about 5 weeks away from welcoming our newborn son...and the closer it gets, the further I push it back in my mind. Some days I think I'm in complete denial.
I know, I know, I WANTED this! I wanted our children super close in age, but that doesn't make it any less scary.

But seriously... who let's me make big life decisions like this?

I think the thing that scares me most is all the little things we have to give up with Brynlee for awhile. Like, her new found love of cuddling with us in bed when she wakes up. Which, to be honest is becoming a bad habit because sometimes we do this 3 times a night, but still!

Or playing one on one with blocks and other toys.. watching her favorite show on the couch snuggled under a big blanket..

Being able to hold her when she needs me at any time.

Our small family adventures where we just hop in the car and go!




Will all be put on hold because we will be handling a newborn.

It's been me and her against the day and our little family of three for so long.. I'm not sure how to handle this big change. I might take it worse than she does!

I know that these things WILL happen again- I know there will be cuddles in bed and on the couch
and I know we will make time for her and our one on one time. But the unknown thoughts of these next months are just... horrifying.

I'm pretty confident in my motherhood role, but can I take on two? Or better questions... HOW do I take on two at such a close, but different age?! Is there a training 101 class for crazy parents who try to do two under two?


This pregnancy has been so full of emotions - guilt, excitement, wonder, and being scared.
It has been kind of draining... even though in general this pregnancy was physically easier than the last time.

I am so excited to meet our son and see his little personality shine through. And I'm so excited to see Brynlee be a big sister, because I know she is going to be the best. I guess it's the in between and trying to figure it out that dulls my excitement most days.

I'm hoping that one day... I can make a blog post and say how awesome two under two has been and how I have it totally under control sometimes. But I guess only time will tell for that!

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